I never imagined this would happen to me. I`ve always considered myself very mentally strong so this was very surrealistic and still is.

I had a Male Urological procedure (TURP) as well as a hernia repair done together back in September of 2018 at a smaller local hospital. I had asked for an all-male crew as I`m just a really shy modest old guy, but was told it wasn`t possible, nurses would just be luck of the draw. The CRNA walked me into the OR and had me get on the table, then tied my arms down to arm boards and strapped me to the table with a belt. He then rolled up my gown so I was completely naked. Talk about feeling helpless and vulnerable!! There were three female nurses chatting when I came in (my assigned nurses) so at this time I was not only scared to death of the operation, terrified of anesthesia maybe killing me but also livid and beet red at being naked and helpless laying there in front of three unknown women. My CRNA hung a curtain across my neck so I couldn`t see them and my imagination made that much worse! I had refused a sedative as my mother and brother both had almost died due to Versed years earlier going under general anesthesia and so I have avoided Versed and other sedatives since then. The MDA said No problem, NO Versed. However, the MDA never filed his pre-procedure notes in the EPIC e-record system (a bug in that software) and so the CRNA never saw that order and knew nothing of this. He administered a dose then told me he had given me the sedative to relax me. I immediately said I`d refused that and he suddenly launched a very loud and vicious verbal assault at me how he didn`t know, hadn`t been told, it was the doctors fault, it was my fault, then said he had only given me a small dose (a lie per the records) and it would be okay. He refused to get the MDA and proceeded to knock me out before the MDA even got there (illegal in it`s own right). Just before I faded out I was more terrified than I had ever been in my life.....I was sure he was going to overdose me on something and kill me to cover up his medication error (which was never reported). I was paralyzed with fear and couldn`t move, so just lay there waiting to die with tears running down my cheeks as I went unconscious.

I did wake up and went home to recover. Telling my wife on the way home what had happened, she was also horrified! The horrible nightmares started a week later followed by terrible flashbacks. I inquired at the hospital to find out why this error had happened but was stonewalled and lied to by the hospital administration and legal team. Don`t ever believe a patient rep is ever there to help you! They are an early warning system for the risk management team. I physically recovered in a couple months but my PTSD still bothers me today. My search for answers uncovered all their lies and the truth but I never got even an apology from that CRNA. And today (after almost 60 years with my old HMO) I have new providers. PTSD is not fun and can happen to anyone in a position of extreme vulnerability, not just combat veterans. And having surgery is the perfect breeding ground for PTSD. I found Medical Patient Modesty and just knowing there were many others in that boat with me really helped. Reading of others problems made me realize it was not my fault and I have become a much better medical consumer too.

Two years later I had a scheduled colonoscopy and literally went in with a huge chip on my shoulder. I had never had a consultation before this but felt I had to meet the doctor to deliver some demands beforehand. And speaking with all there before the procedure, I relayed my tale of terror with my previous surgery and all realized why I was so apprehensive. One nurse was even crying with me! I was treated very kindly and it couldn`t have gone better. My fear of medical procedures was reduced because this crew understood what I was dealing with.

Fast forward to last week: I had scheduled a procedure to release two trigger fingers on my right hand for September of this year, 2021. My doctor has his procedures scheduled at a surgery center (although many of these are done right in the office, a five minute procedure). Chasing down my out of pocket costs for this, it would cost over $7000 for the operating room for less than 20 minutes. Not only that, their SOP was to have me strip completely and don a skimpy gown....for HAND SURGERY! There would be my doctor and one nurse. My modesty flared again, although the doc and his nurse are both male.....but the pre-op and post-op nurses might not be. And no IV or anesthesia, just a syringe of lidocaine. Strip completely for hand surgery? Then when I`m done and my hand is bandaged up, how do I get dressed again? Well, there will be a nurse to help you get dressed in post-op. Wait....WHAT? That made no sense! Just let me wear my clothes and you can drape my arm. Nope! Can`t be done that way. Sterile environment. Right. That gown isn`t any more sterile than my laundered clothing and it`s my hand that`s being worked on, not my torso! I asked why and was told that was hospital Standard operating procedure. I said Nope. They said they couldn`t allow any changes and the doc said I should just Roll with it. Nope. Cancelled it right then and there, and made sure I relayed my reasons why to all concerned.

Now I am looking for one of the many doctors who do this in their offices. It`ll be cheaper for my insurance as well as for me too. My doctor said that large bureaucratic organizations are slow to change, but had no answer when I asked him how change can occur if everyone just rolls with it?

So, what have I learned from Medical Patient Modesty testimonials? Be aware of what you are getting into. Research your procedure intimately, second opinions and all. Don`t be afraid to stand up for yourself and your rights. You have a right to say no as well as to just walk out. Be a good consumer and you may save yourself from PTSD in the least, and the life you save might be your own!

- John A. (Male Patient) From St Paul, Minnesota
Date Submitted: 9/4/2021

I was sexually abused by a doctor many years ago. In a now-sealed case I was Jane Doe #3 (of 12, no less.) I had emergency surgery, and was assaulted in the PACU afterward. The hospital tried their best to protect their precious reputation, and the so-called-dr. That event has stuck with me most of my life, I didn`t go to any dr for anything that was not accompanied by my husband. I didn`t go to any gyn, or other dr that may have any need to access any part that was not available in street clothes.

I had 2 of my 3 children at home, and handled it all with just the two of us. There is no way I was going to ever be in that position again. I had been monitoring my reproductive health myself (yes, there are DIY pap kits out there. It`s awkward, but possible.) One came back abnormal, so did a second. I found a female gyn to go further, but it became obvious it was time to go through a hysterectomy, and be done with it before it became something worse. In the pre-op consultation with dr#1 the first thing they did, before any talk about the choices was to shove a federal HHS form for authorization at me to sign. It gave them permission to release my info to anyone with a HHS ID card. Informed consent it said... I was expected to sign that they had reviewed all options, outcomes, and possible complications BEFORE they even told me what they were planning. Good grief, that was the first sign I was in the wrong place. I should have just left then. Then I was told she would do a lapro assisted vaginal hysterectomy. General anesthesia was my only choice. I requested an all-female staff. that was refused, I was told I can`t pick who is working on that day. second thing I requested was to have my husband there through the operation. That was refused, and I was treated like a complete fool for asking. 3rd was to have him in PACU with me, that was refused, the not enough room excuse. There was no way to use a spinal. They use a pre-op sedation as a general practice to help patients feel less stress. I was in horror, and just about that point the Dr said When you are under anesthesia WE will be making choices for you. I was done, this was not happening. Not here, not now, not ever, no way. What idiot of a dr tells an abuse survivor, let alone a survivor of assault at the hands of a dr... in a hospital, that they won`t be in control? No way, that lady was not an option. I decided to take my chances with the possibility of cancer, and was planning homeopathic treatment on my own.

My husband found Medical Patient Modesty’s after I decided to walk out of first doctor’s office and it gave us the positive motivation to look for the right Dr. My husband kept researching doctors, found one he was sure was a good Dr, and called for me. On first meeting I actually felt comfortable with her. Her recommendation was to skip the lapro-assist, and just go for a straight vaginal hysterectomy. She said there was no reason to expect to need any other method. She was so confident, and answered everything in straight-forward, frank terms. Well, to make a long story short, I tried to tell her my full background, fell apart in her office. She guaranteed me an all-female staff, After consulting with hospital management and anesthesia they agreed to allow my husband into the OR. I was thrilled (or as much thrilled one can be at the thought of a hysterectomy) with my meeting with anesthesia, she said a spinal was OK, and that if I didn`t want any sedation, or amnesia drugs that was my choice, just let her know if it was getting to be too much. I still had nightmares in the months leading up to the operation. Lots of nightmares, and some of the PTSD compulsive actions were creeping back. I trusted my medical team, and hospital, but the past just kept popping into my thoughts through the days. Finally the day had come, and we were off to the hospital. The staff did respect my wishes. I was allowed to keep my gown on, You have no idea how much that meant. Only exposing as necessary. they covered the windows, and no males other than my husband were allowed in. I know this sounds trivial, but the prep nurse was telling my husband what she was doing before she did it, and told him before the internal prep. As silly as this sounds, that was the moment I knew they were there for me, and I was safe there. Weird, isn`t it? but this calm came over me that I had never felt. No, it wasn`t sedation, they did as I asked, and used none. The operation went well, shorter than I thought it would be. My husband could see over the curtain, and kept me informed what was going on (I had read/watched/learned everything I could about it.) A few moments of discomfort, but it meant everything to be able to remember the whole thing, no memory holes to haunt me later. I would never have gone through with the operation if it were not for finding this one remarkable doctor who had both compassion, and was a master of the healing arts. She didn`t put me through unnecessary exams, and intrusive poking/proding leading up to, nor in pre-op. I can`t say just how much she has done for me. Since the operation I have had zero nightmares, or other strange behaviors something like this would have caused. This wasn`t some big hospital, it was a very nice, small, and new hospital built to serve a small rural community. The best medicine doesn`t always come from some huge multi-floor monstrosity full of nameless faces. For that matter, I felt safe there because there was nothing that went on without the nurses knowing it. There is hope out there, and I think it`s not so much standing up for your principals, or fears, but finding that Doctor who tries to understand them, and is willing to work with them. A true healer will do their best to help you with them.

- Really prefer to keep that private (Female Patient) From Minnesota
Date Submitted: 7/21/2017

I was asked to give a testimonial by Ms Roberts. After reading Medical Patient Modesty's web site I realized that others shared my concerns. I learned that being forthright with medical personnel was desirable. I also found at the site a great modesty enhancer - backwards boxers. What follows demonstrates what is possible with a bit of effort.

I kept telling the GP that I try to see as infrequently as possible that I wasn’t interested in a colonoscopy due to childhood sexual molestation and abuse issues. Having my best interests at heart he offered to refer me to his gastroenterologist and to explain to him my personal situation. I made an appointment with the gastroenterologist and, at the initial interview with him, I indicated that I wished no sedation and asked to have male attendants and to be able to wear boxers backwards (ala Med Pat Mod). He was concerned about no-sedation, mentioning that he usually had only one per year. He, nonetheless, agreed to no-sedation. My referring doctor had already spoken to him about my privacy issues therefore, the male attendants were expected and made available. He, the gastroenterologist, looked puzzled by the boxer request but, again agreed. With almost 30 years of experience, I don’t think he’d be surprised by much. The colonoscopy went exactly as planned and I was delighted. The referring physician was Dr. G. Scott Smith, Orange, CA. The gastroenterologist was Dr. Jose Roque, Orange, CA. The facility was St. Joseph’s Hospital Endoscopy Center, Orange, CA. I am deeply indebted to all of the above for extraordinary care and concern. May God bless them, their families and their endeavors.

My suggestions for others are as follows: 1. Discuss your wishes with your doctors. Be courtesy but, firm. As long as you don’t ask for outlandish or unsafe practices, a good doctor will try to make you happy. If necessary, indicate that you will praise their adaptability to all your acquaintances. Tell them that your requests will add some novelty to their practice. DON’T BE ADVERSARIAL! I do believe that honey works better than vinegar. Convincing a doctor to see things your way is far superior to perpetual “shopping” for someone that you can pummel into submission. Yes, it’s a business however, most good medical personnel have their patients’ interests foremost. 2. Have a “Conditions for my Colonoscopy”(or other procedure) letter ready at the check-in facility. Outline under what conditions you will continue with the procedure. The medical profession has a HORRIBLE INFORMATION TRANSFER. Paperwork facilitates information transfer and your wishes. Orally, agreeing to something with someone may be meaningless to another. Remember the one CARDINAL PRINCIPAL – In the medical setting, THE DOCTOR TRUMPS EVERYONE. Don’t be afraid to say, “The doctor has agreed to ….” Obviously, be sure that your statement is true. 3. Be prepared to do something to make everyone’s job easier. For the colonoscopy with boxers I altered the boxer shorts that I wore backwards. (The front fly on the boxers didn’t seem suitable for the procedure. The fly stopped too high and would not expose the necessary area. I had to carefully undo the bottom fly stitching and about three inches of the seam below. I then seamed that new opening, effectively lengthening the fly – a great fit. Fit your shorts to your body in a slight fetal position and adjust accordingly.) 4. You may have to ask individuals to slow down and to explain things to you more fully. They are often in a rush to stay on schedule. 5. Thank everyone the next day with cookies, a McDonald’s gift card or chocolates. Attach a card indicating your thankfulness for their compassion and flexibility. Sign your name and below it write “yesterday’s colonoscopy, no-sedation guy (or gal) with the blue backward boxers”. This may make them smile and remember you with good thoughts. With this last step you will help yourself and many others in the future. Everyone likes to be rewarded for his/her efforts. (Although the male techs did little during the procedure since I could move myself when directed, I still rewarded them.) Furthermore, this makes a lasting impression on the doctors. Contact the hospital administrator and let him/her know of the fine people, doctors, etc. that you encountered at the facility. Finally, don’t forget to get something for your referring GP. The next time you need a referral to a specialist, your GP is your best friend. An encouraging word from him/her to other doctors will open doors and, hopefully, allow you to have a subsequent, happy medical experience. Eventually, the entire medical community may see things more modestly (Or may “unsee” more things). The above might sound a bit mercenary however, it’s really just good business and golden sense – i.e., doing unto others as you would have them do unto you. May God bless you with good health and much success with the medical community. Reginald

- Reginald (Male Patient) From Orange, CA
Date Submitted: 7/20/2016

Finding a male tech to do a male related ultrasound is extremely hard. I was about to make the same mistake twice & set it up knowing I`d be destroyed again by the female tech. Day before I was to go, I found your website. This website confirmed what I have been feeling but didn`t think it was really true about the unethical way the healthcare industry as a whole treats male patients. I called that afternoon and cancelled the appointment. They asked why & I told them this is a male related procedure and should only be done by a male unless he requests a female. They didn`t like my answer. They said a women is capable of doing the test. I told her female qualifications has nothing to do with it. I said I`m a male & I want a male to run the test. They asked what was I afraid of. I said nothing, thanked them for their time & hung up the phone. This website has put the issue of male patient modesty out there. Now, pressure needs to be placed on the healthcare industry to acknowledge there is a problem and be made to deal with it. Way back when, women wanted equal rights and they got them. Men want equal consideration when it comes to patient modesty issues now. It`s time to acknowledge that an inequality exists & fix it. Many men don`t get the care they need because of the way they are treated. Ladies, if you lose a mate, son, or nephew earlier then normal, don`t blame them, blame the healthcare industry for NOT doing their job and addressing and fixing this issue. Thank goodness I found this wonderful website. You have empowered me and I won`t forget it.

- Raffie (Male Patient) From Patient on the East Coast
Date Submitted: 2/19/2016

I am a sexual assault survivor of countless attacks, starting from when I was 9 from a male doctor which was only followed by more from other men. I can’t remember how many attacks I’ve survived, there’s too many to count. I thought I would find a more compassionate journey when I successfully got pregnant with a wonderful man that has helped me cope through the post-traumatic scars of my life. I was wrong when I began to call around to find prenatal care. After asking to see a lady doctor, I was told that wasn’t possible. Even when telling them, I had clinical PTSD making my need a special disability need, I was told “You’re on Medicaid and don’t have many options.” As though I was supposed to be grateful for anything I got, even if it was reliving the trauma of past nightmares during what should be the happiest moment of my adult life. I told her “I have options, I’ll squat down and have the baby at home!” and hung up.

I was recommended to a midwife by a friend after this, however Medicaid doesn’t cover home births. When I went to my first ultrasound at the local hospital and saw the portraits of the Ob/Gyn doctors they had on staff, I saw there were four, two women, and two men. When I went to hear the results of my ultrasound, I asked the midwife if it were possible to have a female doctor be called in if an emergency occurred and was told that she would not honor my request. After getting a letter from my psychologist, I returned and had another talk with them. The women were beginning to get rude about the subject and still refused to honor my wish even with a note stating my disability and my special needs. My level of care even changed as they treated me rudely.

I continued to lay pressure on the hospital where I was receiving prenatal care and went to the patient advocate for the hospital. After hearing my story he faked concern and said he’d fix things and get back to me. I told the man he had 3 weeks as I intended to get an abortion if I couldn’t find a resolution. The solutions he had for me was to either schedule an unnecessary surgery (C-section) on a day a female doctor was available, the next option offered was to give me sedatives if the Ob/Gyn had to be called in and was male (While my unborn was still inside me to feel it), the last option was to have a female chaperone. The last option was utterly ridiculous because if my own mother wouldn’t believe the truth about her son having psychological sexual issues and the behavior that came with it, why should I trust some strange woman who is the doctor’s co-worker and possibly his friend? It also doesn’t change the fact that a man is getting too close to my lady parts. It sounded a bit extreme versus just talking to the female staff to see if they’d volunteer, but his reasoning behind all of this was that they needed to look out for hospital and staff convenience, and they can’t make an exception and change to accommodate me when so many other women make the same request. Going through this was the same feeling I had whenever I was attacked, forced, scared, and helpless.

I went on a desperate search all over the internet looking for a lawyer, another birth place, and anything else that could or would help me. I lost much sleep during this time, only falling asleep in my chair where every time I slept I was plagued with nightmares. Sleep deprived and lost from hope, I stumbled upon Medical Patient Modesty’s web site. In a half awake blunder I managed to punch out an e-mail pleading for help with my situation that the net offered no answers to. I finally fell off to sleep for the first time in a few days with not more than a prayer for response. The next day a response came, much to my surprise, I was impressed how fast the email came. Misty, the president / founder of MPM was very kind and understanding to my story, something I had only received from my boyfriend (and now child’s father) till now. Even my family felt I was being ridiculous over the situation. Misty was kind and validating of how I felt after so many doctors and nurses had made me feel stupid, or ashamed over my pain and fears. She gently encouraged me not to give up and suggested some places I could go in the next county over that may take Medicaid. I located a midwifery practice that delivered at a hospital supporting an all-female Ob/Gyn practice 45 minutes away. The hospital themselves didn’t take Medicaid but since the midwifery practice did, and they delivered there, I’d be seen there in case of an emergency during labor and birth.

I am glad I switched to another hospital even though the drive was farther. The hospital worked to accommodate my wishes for an all-female medical team. They even went as far as not allowing the staff to bring food to my room to enter if they were male, instead my nurse or doula would intercept it outside and bring it in. If a medical facility / hospital cannot honor your wishes, take your business somewhere else even if it means driving farther.

I never knew such a tiny, helpless, human being with just one cry could bless me with such a deep sense of self-worth. My baby girl is now 6 months old, and I have been told (and feel) my confidence and self-esteem growing with leaps and bounds. I'm forever grateful for my little one and the man who not only helped create her but treated me like a queen the whole 9 months of carrying her. Our family is also full of gratitude, and respect for Misty's kindness and the work she does for others in our situation.

- Katherine (Female Patient) From Colorado
Date Submitted: 1/8/2015

This organization is addressing concerns that no one else is addressing. I am glad to know I am not the only one who cares about this. Medical Patient Modesty encourages everyone to stand up for their basic human rights. This encouragement is very important to me.

- Bob (Male Patient) From Texas
Date Submitted: 10/21/2014

I recently decided to have a colonoscopy.....whether or not I believe they are necessary for everyone over 50 is another subject, but none the less, I decided to get one - if I could get it on my terms. I had read many horror stories about patients being completely exposed during the procedure while they were under, people walking in and out of the exam room, both men and women. I asked my doctor for a recommendation and he gave me the name of the doctor who did his procedure. I made an appointment for a consultation and went in.

During the consultation I told the doctor that I had a few accommodation requests. First, I wanted an all male team. He agreed. He normally uses two assistants but only one is male so he would do the procedure with only one, male, assistant. I also wanted to be awake during the procedure. I did not want to be put under. He agreed. and finally, I wanted to be able to wear boxers or some other short to protect my modesty, I had read about colonoscopy shorts here on Medical Patient Modesty’s colonoscopy article and mentioned them....he had never heard of them but he said he was certainly willing to use whatever as long as I was willing to have the boxers cut if necessary.

After our consultation I scheduled the procedure. At the same time, I called the clinic where the procedure was going to be performed and spoke with the head nurse. She was wonderful! I told her about my conversation with the physician and my requests. She told me they did not have colonoscopy shorts but that she would make sure they had them before my procedure. In addition, she made sure that she would schedule the one male tech on the day of my procedure.

I arrived at the clinic at the day of the procedure and found that all of my requests had been met. During the admission procedure I added several clauses to the Consent and had the doctor initial them as well as sign the consent. First, I added that the procedure must be stopped immediately if it could not be done without sedation. In addition, I deleted the section about MAC, it means they can put you to sleep. I also added a section that no one was allowed in the room during the procedure other than the male team I had agreed to and that my colonoscopy shorts were not allowed to be removed for any reason.

They accepted all of my changes, the procedure went fine, and I felt comfortable in the fact that the team was interested in making sure I was completely comfortable from all aspects, including modesty...in fact, it was actually fun to watch, it was not painful at all for me and I have to admit I was a little disappointed when it was over, it was so fascinating to watch!

I would not have known to ask for these accommodations without Medical Patient Modesty’s web site...I got the information about the language to add to the consent and the knowledge of what was out there from here.

If you are concerned about getting this procedure or any procedure because of modesty issues, talk to the doctor who is going to perform the procedure. if he or she won`t agree to the requests walk out find another doctor, one who will agree to your demands...they are out there. Don`t think you are weak because you are concerned about your modesty, you are not...As someone said, WE are the customers here, WE are paying them and they are providing a service to us! WE have the right to say what will happen to our bodies, and WE get to say who provides services to us and if you are a male and want a male tech you have that right to request and get a male tech.

- James (Male Patient) From New York
Date Submitted: 9/15/2013